watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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