The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
