thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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