I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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