Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
