Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize