Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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