proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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