I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
