Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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