Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
