It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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