you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
