You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
