Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
as a side note pls kill me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
