Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
