Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
