READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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