Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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