I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Found your dick twin last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
