Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
