Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
