It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
