I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
