If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
