Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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