Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
