She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
