I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
false alarm, still single
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
