he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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