You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
