the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
