He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
