fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
