I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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