i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
