For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
