You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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