Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
