oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
home. puking in laundry basket.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
