Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
