Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
