Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
