Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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