Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
