The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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