You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
