There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
