Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
