I puked a lego.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
