I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
