If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We need a shit load of segways right now
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
