Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
